So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
