I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
