Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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