You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
