i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
