I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
