do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
