Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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