just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
