My hand turned me down
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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