Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
