Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize