She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
