I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
