you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My dick has a subreddit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
