You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
