I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
