I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
