We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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