I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
