Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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