Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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