you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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