And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
