If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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