I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
