i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
