The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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