the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
