Buhtt sex?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
