its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
