just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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