My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
