I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
