Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
