he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
