just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
