What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
