those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
