I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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