i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
