it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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