So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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