make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
