He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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