Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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