Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
