Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
