if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
