I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
