ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
