Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
