I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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