My room smells like vodka and shame
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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