Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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