You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she smelled like a LAN party
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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