She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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