Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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