dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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