i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
