Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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