i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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