I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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