Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
