Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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