I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
