Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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