Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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