Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
