I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
